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A Cowboy's Guide to Life



  • Never squat with yer spurs on.
  • There are two theories to arguin' with a woman; neither one works.
  • Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew, your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
  • If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
  • If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
  • Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
  • It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
  • Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
  • Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey.
  • Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment.
  • Always drink upstream from the herd.
  • Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
  • If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
  • When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
  • When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
  • Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
  • Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.
  • The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
  • Never miss a good chance to shut up.




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