Artful Aphorisms
- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
- He who hesitates is probably right.
- Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
- No one is listening until you make a mistake.
- Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
- The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
- The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
- To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
- Two wrongs are only the beginning.
- You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
- Don't sweat petty things... or pet sweaty things.
- A fool and his money are soon partying.
- Money can't buy love. But it CAN rent a very close imitation.
- Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
- Half the people you know are below average.
- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
- If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you!
- Time is Nature's way of preventing everything happening at once.
- Death is Nature's way of telling you to ease up.
