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Less Ludicrous Limericks

There was an old man of Khartoum
Who kept a tame sheep in his room,
"To remind me," he said,
"Of someone who's dead,
But I never can recollect whom."


There was a young lady of Ryde
Who ate some green apples and died.
The apples fermented
Inside the lamented,
And made cider inside her inside.


There once was a person from Lyme
Who married three wives at a time.
When asked, "Why a third?"
He replied, "One's absurd,
And bigamy, sir, is a crime!"


There was an old man of Madrid
Who ate 65 eggs - yes, he did!
When they asked, "Are you faint?"
He replied, "No, I ain't -
But I don't feel as well as I did!"


There once was a man of Bengal
Who was asked to a fancy-dress ball;
He said, "I will risk it
And go as a biscuit"
But a dog ate him up in the hall.


A rocket inventor named Bright
Once traveled much faster than light.
He started one day
In the relative way
And returned on the previous night.


A London policeman named Pete
Was always asleep on his beat.
For British bobbies
Don't have any hobbies,
They just just have arrest in the street.


There was an old man of Vancouver
Whose wife got sucked in the hoover.
He said, "There's some doubt
If she's more in than out,
But whichever it is, I can't move her!"


I sat next to the Duchess at tea;
It was just as I feared it would be.
Her rumblings abdominal
Were simply phenomenal,
And everyone thought it was me!


There was an old man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
His daughter, named Nan,
Ran off with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.


A glutton who came from the Rhine,
When asked at what hour he would dine,
Replied, "At eleven,
At three, five, and seven,
And eight, and at quarter past nine."


There was a young girl from New York
Whose body was lighter than cork.
She had to be fed
For six weeks upon lead
Before she went out for a walk.


A fly and a flea in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly, "Let us flee!"
"Let us fly!" said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.


There was an old lady of Rye
Who was baked by mistake in a pie
To the family disgust
She emerged through the crust
And enquired, with a yawn, "Where am I?"


As they fished his airplane from the sea,
The inventor just chuckled with glee.
"I shall build," and he laughed,
"A submarine craft,
And perhaps it will fly. We shall see."


There were three little birds in a wood
Who always sang hymns when they could.
What the words were about
You could never make out,
But you felt it was doing them good.



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