More Ludicrous Limericks
She frowned and called him Mr.|
Because he fondly kr.
And so for spite
That very night
That Mr. kr. sr.
A love-sick young barn-owl in Kew
Had a pretty young she-owl in view.
He twittered, "I oughter
Endeavor to court 'er
But I don't have enough wit to woo!"
There was a young fellow named Hall
Who fell in the spring in the fall.
'Twould have been a sad thing
Had he died in the spring,
But he didn't - he died in the fall.
The fabulous Wizard of Oz
Retired from business becoz,
Due to up-to-date science,
To most of his clients
He wasn't the Wiz that he woz.
Said a maid, "I will marry for lucre,"
And her scandalized ma almost shucre.
But when the chance came
And she told the good dame,
I notice she did not rebucre.
There was an old man of Dunoon
Who ate soup with a very small spoon.
For he said, "As I eat
Neither fish, fowl, nor meat,
I should otherwise finish too soon."
There was a young girl from Berlin
Who was born so uncommonly thin
That when she essayed
To drink lemonade,
She slipped through the straw and fell in.
A traveler once to his sorrow
Requested a ticket to Morrow.
Said the railman, "It's plain
That there isn't a train
To Morrow today, but tomorrow."
The sea-cow or grey manatee
Spends most of its time in the sea,
But in tropical rainstorms
It suffers from brainstorms
And hangs upside down in a tree.
One day I went to the zoo
For I wanted to see the old gnu;
But the old gnu was dead
And the new gnu they said
Was too new a new gnu to view.
There was a young man who said, "Why
Can't I look in my ear with my eye?
I think that I might
If I stretch very tight -
You never can tell till you try!"
A sleeper from the Amazon|
Put a nightie of his gra'mazon.
The reason was that
He was much too fat
To get his own pajamazon.
There once was a boy of Baghdad,
An inquisitive sort of a lad,
Who said, "I will see
If a sting has a bee."
And he very soon found that it had!
There was a young man who said, "Do
Tell me how I'm to add two and two.
I'm not very sure
That it doesn't make four -
But I fear that is almost too few."
A girl who weighed many an oz.
Used language I dare not pronoz.
For a fellow unkind
Pulled her chair out behind,
Just to see, so he said, if she'd boz.
A certain young man named Bill Beebee
Was in love with a lady named Phoebe.
"But," he said "I must see
What the clergyman's fee
Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Beebee."
A bottle of perfume that Willy sent
Was highly displeasing to Millicent.
Her thanks were so cold
That they quarreled, I'm told,
Through that silly scent Willy sent Millicent.
There was a young fellow named Fisher
Who was fishing for fish in a fissure,
When a cod, with a grin,
Pulled the fisherman in ...
Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher.
There was a young girl in the choir
Whose voice rose hoir and hoir
Till it reached such a height
It was clear out of seight,
And they found it next day on the spoir.
A fellow who lived in New Guinea
Was known as a silly young nuinea.
He utterly lacked
Good judgment and tacked,
For he told a plump girl she was skuinea.
A cheese that was aged and gray
Was walking and talking one day.
Said the cheese, "Kindly note
My mama was a goat -
And I'm made out of curds, by the whey."
A right-handed fellow named Wright,
In writing "write", always wrote "rite"
Where he meant to write right.
If he'd written "write" right
Wright would not have wrought rot writing "rite".
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